Back in the Driver's Seat
- mariezschumacher
- Sep 6
- 3 min read
Updated: Sep 8
It's been a minute! My last blog post was back in October. 2025 has brought a lot of change to my life.
Since January, I’ve been teaching psychology at Portland Community College. I love the job. And the job is difficult, in both predictable and surprising ways. My students come from all walks of life, each bringing a wide range of expectations, bandwidths, maturity levels, and academic skills to the classroom. And there's so much to squeeze into 10 short weeks! It's one giant balancing act. I’ve taught in a variety of settings over the years, but this one is new for me, and I’m just now finding my footing.
On the personal side, my mom’s dementia and frailty reached a point this summer where my dad could no longer care for her. She now lives in a long-term care facility. She likes it and she’s receiving attentive care, but it is a hard loss all the same. I also lost two important women in my life: my dear mother-in-law passed away last month, and my beloved aunt last spring.
Amidst all this, I’ve received strength, support and playful distraction from countless people. I've also found an anchor in a monthly solo practice called the Personal Retreat Day.
I learned about this idea from author Wende Whitus, a TV industry professional who teaches and writes extensively about the practice.
Like many healthy habits, the concept is simple but not always easy to stick with. You schedule one day each month to spend alone, choosing a special place (nothing fancy!) where you can find peaceful solitude. On this designated day, you move through a sequence of activities:
A little bit of exercise
Some inspirational reading of your own choosing
Writing where you reflect on the last month and reorient to prepare for one coming up
Resting time
Time to create or play
A reward at the end of the day
The writing can be free-form or structured, depending on what you want to pay attention to: physical and mental health, relationships, learning, work, finances, or special projects.
For me, the best part of this practice has been the act of sitting down to take stock every month. I can see how much I’m doing, how much progress I’m making, how much life I’m living. I also see which issues aren’t getting resolved, because they keep showing up in my writing, month after month. The act of documenting my monthly highs and lows provides data points that help me see the patterns of my life. This motivates me to go after a few carefully chosen, doable goals. Why? Because I know I’ll be facing those pages again in 30 days!
Ultimately, this practice has put me in the driver’s seat of my life. It seems an obvious point, but my life is mine, and so often I don’t act like it is. I let my roles, responsibilities and relationships dictate what I do and what I think about. In the thick of adulthood, there are so many ways that my sense of agency gets clouded by social expectations and inertia. (And let's not get started on the Internet as a Life Thief!) I'm happy to report that these monthly check-ins enable me to see my life as the creative project that it is, and to operate from that deeply human grounding.
I must admit, some of my retreat days are better than others. A few days have been half-days, and I don’t always get to every item in the sequence. One month, I focused on exercise with a long walk. The next month, I mostly rested at home. Another month, I worked on an art project. But I managed to do a little writing each time, and I always set the date for my next Personal Retreat Day before finishing up.
These monthly days of solitude have been great gifts for me. They have helped me navigate the changes of this intense year with greater clarity and self-compassion. If you’re looking for a gentle, flexible way to rest, restore, and reorient, I highly recommend giving the monthly Personal Retreat Day a try.
To learn more, check out Wende Whitus’ website. And while you can design your own retreat days, I recommend her guided journal for those who appreciate structure.
Marie, It's so refreshing to read your insights on life and creativity. They always remind me that simply living life requires creativity. Come to think of it, maybe every individual's life is an art project of sorts. This is a timely blogpost for me as I have been spinning my wheels on some personal goals with a flurry of missed deadlines, abandoned approaches, and some general frustration. Enough of that and one starts to wonder what's the plan going forward? I can see how the Personal Retreat Day could fizzle under pressure to "be productive," or be squandered with trivia, but taking it seriously could be just the ticket. A structured approach to accountability that includes time to breathe an…
When I read your blog entry, I was on my own version of a personal retreat, which lasts 2-3 days but only happens once a year. Previous years I spent backpacking, but this year I spent it staying in an empty campground at Sound View Camp, which has the downside of internet connectivity and available tasks that I can do for the benefit of others. If I had to choose, I think I prefer your version, with its goals and frequent self-accountability. Thanks for sharing your practice.
I'm always grateful to receive beautiful insights and wisdom from my wise and generous friend Marie, thank you. ❤️
Marie, so good to have your voice back. Thanks for the inspiration, the reminder that we can navigate life's hardest transitions with some kindness and attention toward ourselves. 🙏